Pocket Universe

#1: The fresh-brewed coffee at work always smells better than it tastes. Always. Without fail. There will never be a pot that is the exception, and I should accept this and stop thinking that every new pot will be the exception.

#2: Email, like dust bunnies, multiplies if the herd is not culled. This is true at work and at home. My packrat tendencies do not help me much with this matter.

#3: People do not get to dictate how they sound to me. Just because I'm twitchy and quick to judge certain tones as patronizing does not mean I have to defer to the speaker's assessment of hir own tone. My experiences are valid, and I am capable of coming to my own conclusions, even if it means stepping back and re-examining things. I should never ignore my twitch. Defense mechanisms exist for a reason.

Every time I add my full signature to an email at work, spell check wants to change part of my job title to "Sir". It never fails to give me a thrill, so I attach my signature to just about every email I send. Also, every time spell check oh-so-helpfully offers me "Sir", I am tempted to change it. It's not like anyone will notice, right?

Selections from my week:

Sunday:
8 pm: You know, the weekend is never long enough.
10 pm: Yeah, hi, sleep? You can come now.
12am: Really.

Monday:
COWORKER: Wow. You look horrible. Rough night?
PENNY: Braaaaaains.
COWORKER: That reminds me, weren't you going to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and report back to me?
PENNY: It's still on my "To Be Read" list.
COWORKER: Well chop chop!

Tuesday:
5:30 am: What to wear, what to wear? Oh, hey! I have cute new sandals! Surely I can find a cute outfit to go with them!
6:00 am: Leave the house.
6:02 am: Discover I cannot drive in cute new sandals. Pull over, slip them off, drive barefoot. Whoops.
(They are still very cute sandals. And comfortable. As long as I'm not driving.)
(Also, driving barefoot feels odd. I don't like it.)

Wednesday:
I have erased Wednesday from my memory. Too much workplace politics. So instead, I remember sitting outside at a local coffee shop, writing an email to my mother (yay for a phone with a data plan) and doing some alter ego writing. Good day. Good day.

Thursday:
COORDINATOR FOR SISTER DEPARTMENT: So, um, Penny, I know this is short notice, but I need this desk you're sitting at.
PENNY: Well, I was supposed to be back at my regular office by now. When do you need me to vacate?
COORDINATOR: *sheepish* Now. Well, since you get in early, first thing tomorrow. Unless you want to move now. Let me show you the desks you can move to. And I apologize for the short notice. I just now learned myself.
PENNY: That is how things work here. *thinking* At least it's not like my first temp assignment here when I learned on a Wednesday that that Friday would be my last day. AND AT LEAST I STILL GET TO WORK OUT OF THE OFFICE CLOSE TO HOME! Good thing I didn't really unpack at this desk.

Friday:
After getting settled in at my new temporary desk:
COWORKER: So this is where they shoved you. Not too bad. You get some sun and a standing workstation.
PENNY: Yeah, it's tucked back in a corner, so maybe our sister department will forget I'm squatting at one of their stations. Also, I've set up my loose leaf teas. Maybe if I looked permanently settled in, they won't move me!
COWORKER: Are...are you feeling all right? You're not usually an optimist.
PENNY: It's Friday, I have a window desk, yummy tea, and hot water a mere three feet from my desk. If I cannot enjoy this, I'm not human.
COWORKER: *backing away* Ooooookay, pod person.

Saturday:
People, I am drinking a 2006 Sangiovese. It is divine. It is, without a doubt, the best wine I have ever had. I am swooning over it. And it's probably a good thing, because Adult Swim is showing a new G.I. Joe cartoon in a matter of minutes, and I know it's going to be painful, but I will watch it anyway because I grew up on the Sunbow cartoon back in the 80's, and it is the best cartoon ever! (Really, it is. If you argue this point you are wrong. Wrong, wrong, WRONG!) Anyway, nothing really compares to the Sunbow cartoon (except, possibly, the horribly wonderful G.I. Joe: The Movie), but I will still watch new G.I. Joe cartoons because dude, it's G.I Joe. I even watched that awful Valor vs. Venom a few years ago, and it was painful. So very painful. Have I learned my lesson? No.

I have had the exact same conversation with all of my coworkers in my department this morning:

PENNY: Good morning!

COWORKER: Hey, Penny. How are you?

P: Oh, all right. Glad it's Friday. I was really tempted to call in today, but then I realized I can sleep in tomorrow.

C: You know, I was tempted to call in, too. It's been an exhausting week.

P: I'm glad it's not just me.

C: Heh. Wouldn't it be funny if we all called in?

Some sort of "blarg" memo must have gone out last night. We are also all wearing purple today.

In other news, IT pushed a software update to all of our computers on Wednesday. Given the fact my coworkers and I are all on the same wavelength, coincidence or nefarious mind control experiment? :p

Edit: Nefarious mind control experiment. We're on to you, IT, and we're, like totally not going to wear pink on Monday. Or high heels. Though sandals will likely be in the forecast. HI, SUN!

Fantasy:
TO: Boss
SENT: April 6, 2009 01:04 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: Going home

Dear Boss,

While walking at lunch, I contracted spring fever. For the good of the office I must go quarantine myself at a sunny outside table at my favorite coffee shop home. I will also be out tomorrow since my doctor advises me to stay home for at least 24 hours after my fever breaks.

Sincerely,

Penny

TO: Penny
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:04 pm
FROM: Boss
SUBJECT: Out of Office Reply RE: Going home

I'm sorry I missed you. I have fallen victim to the outbreak of spring fever and am recovering at home. If you are one of my subordinates, I fear I have infected you. Do everything you must to fight off this highly contagious affliction. I understand a local coffee shop has set up a quarantine zone at their outside tables.

Take care,

Boss

Closer to Reality:
TO: Boss
SENT: April 6, 2009 01:04 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: Going home

Dear Boss,

While walking at lunch, I contracted spring fever. For the good of the office I must go quarantine myself at a sunny outside table at my favorite coffee shop home. I will also be out tomorrow since my doctor advises me to stay home for at least 24 hours after my fever breaks.

Sincerely,

Penny

TO: Penny
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:05 pm
FROM: Boss
SUBJECT: RE: Going home

Nice try, but remember, as of January 1, 2009, all sick leave must be scheduled in advance. New department policy.

TO: Boss
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:10 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: Going home

*cough* I suppose I can *cough* make it until three.

TO: Penny
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:11 pm
FROM: Boss
SUBJECT: RE: Going home

That's my trooper! :-)

Wait, three?? Who authorized that schedule?

TO: Boss
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:13 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: Going home

You. Refer to paragraph 3, subsection D of my employment contract.

TO: Penny
SENT: April 6, 2009, 01:32 pm
FROM: Boss
SUBJECT: RE: Going home

Well I'll be.

You do realize I am filing this exchange as part of my reference documentation for your 2009 performance evaluation.

And your request for April 7 off is denied.

Docmented Reality:

TO: Coworker in different office
SENT: March 12, 2009 12:52 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: For the record...

...cold peppermint tea and white cheddar popcorn are two tastes that do not taste great together.

TO: Penny
SENT: March 12, 2009 12:59 pm
FROM: Coworker
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

This is yet another datapoint in the "Penny is crazy" file.

TO: Coworker
SENT: March 12, 2009 01:02 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

It's all in the name of science. SCIENCE!!

TO: Penny
SENT: March 12, 2009 01:10 pm
FROM: Coworker
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Crazy. Crazy crazy cra~azy!

TO: Coworker
SENT: March 12, 2009 02:30 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Also for the record, cold peppermint tea and chicken caesar salad also do not taste great together.

TO: Penny
SENT: March 12, 2009 02:42 pm
FROM: Coworker
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Have you considered that the cold peppermint tea may be the "not tasting great" factor? Call me crazy...oh, wait, that's you!

TO: Coworker
SENT: March 12, 2009 02:50 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

No, actually, it's you this time. Cold peppermint tea is tasty on its own.

TO: Penny
SENT: March 12, 2009 02:59 pm
FROM: Coworker
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Cra~azy!

TO: Coworker
SENT: March 12, 2009 03:15 pm
FROM: Penny
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Like a fox!

TO: Penny
SENT: March 12, 2009 03:27 pm
FROM: Coworker
SUBJECT: RE: For the record...

Nice try, but no. Just crazy. No fox. And if you don't leave now, the men in the nice white coats will come for you. It's quittin' time. Go drink your cold peppermint tea at home!

...Wells Banana Bread Beer just entered my drinking rotation.

Wow. "Drinking roation" kind of makes me sound like a lush.

Anyways, this stuff is good. Dessert-worthy, in fact. It really does smell and taste like banana bread. Oh my.

It is snowing again. And it's sticking because it's so dang cold*. I'm hoping we just get a dusting, and that it does indeed turn to rain as the forecast predicts, because while I'd rather not get snowed in anywhere, I'd really rather not get snowed in at work.

* The Western Washington version of "so dang cold" is, I realize, laughable when compared to other areas that are legtimately so dang cold, but I don't care. It's cold.

I am not looking out the window again until it stops snowing. At least it's not sticking.

When I was a kid, I loved snow. I also loved winter. I think I've officially become an Old Fuck because winter and cold and snow and ice makes me surly. Why didn't I move to Arizona? Oh yeah, because then summer and heat and heat and heat would make me surly.

Instead of focusing on the fact I get to work out of the office closer to home for the majority of my workweek (including Friday!), I am turning up my headphones because the phrase of the day in all the conversations taking place within earshot is "it is what it is", and hearing it repeated over and over is driving me nuts.

And really, as annoying as the phrase may be, it doesn't warrant jaw-clenching rage. Holy fuck, self, get a grip. And maybe remember the day after Christmas, when you were in this office, and it was early and dark and empty, and the building was making creepy noises. You would have welcomed a few overheard "it is what it is" comments then.

I pretty much knew I'd have to go back to school for something given the career paths I'm eyeing at my company. And it's looking like I'll have to make a decision soon so I can start the application process and whatnot. I'm trying to talk myself into getting excited about accounting, because that's the safest bet, but if I'm going to go back to school, it's going to be for something I'm passionate about, because education isn't cheap.

If I go with green engineering/construction, I may be eligible for tuition reimbursement, so that's looking like my best bet. It doesn't top my passion list, but it's high enough up it to investigate.

I forgot my book this morning, so I have to entertain myself on the phone during the commute home. On the up shot, I'm still alive, and, since we're officially in year-end billing season, I'm putting in overtime, which is nice for this time of year. On the downside, I'm putting in overtime, which means long days made longer by my commute. The train is not my friend on a 10 hour day schedule. A shame, because it cuts my non-OT commute just about in half.

I am entirely too tickled by the fact one of our programs at work updates itself with files that have the extension ".wtf". Sometimes, it sums up the day perfectly.

Do not like trying to type on the phone, so I'll stop. Must remember book tomorrow.

I've been doing a fine ostrich impression lately. Head's firmly in the sand refusing to admit it's chilly and rainy and gray. Nope, it's not winter, and I am not in my winter funk, because I've surly entirely too long and don't need the additional seasonal grr. (I swapped out some key lightbulbs at home to full-spectrum bulbs. It's amazing what a difference that makes.)

Sometime soon, we will be moving around at work, and *fingers crossed* it's looking like I will get a desk by the window. A window! Sun and mountains and beauty until the multi-story hotel blocks the view. I am entirely too easy to please sometimes. Well, except for the hotel. I'm a little evil and am hoping the project runs out of money, though construction has already started, so...probably not.

Will be having people over for Thanksgiving, which also does much to improve my mood. Thanksgiving is my favorite cooking holiday. I love preparing the meal (provided someone else provides the pie, because making the perfect pie crust is beyond me), but it's a little depressing cooking it for one person. But now I can cook for three people! Maybe even four!

Freight train cars come with warnings:

WARNING!
Do not apply vibrator to car
Except vibrator brackets
Use only when car is loaded

And because I am a pervert (and because my brain is still waking up after enjoying some nice, perverted dreams), I just spent entirely too long giggling over the idea of non-con train porn. Amtrack/BNSF. You'd think the freight train would be the aggressor, but the passenger train got it drunk.

Send help.

My formerly feral cat is sitting on my lap for pettins, and she is purring and growling at the same time. It's so damn cute! I'm choosing to believe she's growling at my surlies make them go away and will hold tight that belief until she gives me her "I'm overstimulated and will BIIIIITE YOUR HAND riiiight now!" meow.

So far today, I've been chased by an irate dog, tripped over what appears to be thin air, and did something to put an annoying twinge in my hip. And all I've done so far is walk to the bus. I call for a reset!

(Dog scared me. A lot. It would not stop following me.)

Edit #1 9:00am
Really. I want that reset. I don't know what it is about this week that makes work an exercise in headdesking, but having things go right is the exception instead of the rule. The stuff I'm working on should not be this difficult.

If I can't have the reset, can I have it be lunch so I can take the full hour and bask in the pretty, pretty sun and remind myself that despite the annoyances at work, life is good?

Edit #2 noon
SUN! Sun sun sun!

Also, food! (The plums and oranges I picked up last night are really good!)

Goal for the rest of the day: Keep up my :D face until quittin' time. (And to avoid encountering dogs on the way home.)

Edit #3 7:40pm
Long day over. Sleep now. Yus.

I am on the bus sitting behind a man who has just bought a peek-a-boo pole dancing kit "for a friend at home." I know this because he is turning the package round and round (either reading the label or taking in the pictures; it's hard to tell from his grin) and gave the "for a friend" explaination when the woman across from him asked what it was for.

Bussing to the office close to home is totally different than bussing up to where I normally work.

...And now he just answered his cell phone and said he was going home to his sister. There is totally an erotic mind control incest story here. Totally.

:D

...and my bus ride is long.

I have just mainlined all three seasons of Avatar: The Last Airbender and am both sad and glad I didn't watch it as it aired on Nick. Sad because it is an awesome show (worth the hype and wide appeal), and it would have been fun lurking on the edges of fandom and occasionally dipping my toes in as the mood struck. Glad, because I am impatient and appreciate getting to watch the entire series on my schedule.

(Oh, Iroh! I am a fangirl.)

Next up on the queue, Gunslinger Girl. It's one of those series people keep recommending to me and that I keep meaning to watch, so now I am.

And eventually, I'll have to finish up with seasons 1 & 2 of The Closer so I can return the DVDs to my friend.

On the game front, FFXII continues to own my fangirling heart! If only I had more time in the evening. (If only I had an actual evening.)

1. While tasty on their own, potato leek soup and a dark chocolate coconut mocha do not make a good lunch combination, even if the mocha is purchased as desert after eating the soup. Poopsie.

2. While I appreciate the concern about my health, it was a bit of a bummer being ordered to go to lunch since I had planned to work through it so I could leave at my regular time. My bus had troubles this morning, so I was a half hour later than normal. Poopsie.

This week has flown by. Best of all? Since we're caught up (finally!), overtime is off the table. I had to stay late earlier in the week for a meeting, so I got to leave early today. Woot! Clearly, I am too easy to please sometimes.

The bonus, in addition to flying by, the week has been entertaining. Some conversation snippets taken totally out of context:

Monday
COWORKER 1: I have never bought kale in my life. I'm not going to start now.
COWORKER 2: Actually, kale's pretty good.
1: Yeah, well, you eat eyeballs.
2: Smoked eyeballs.
1: ...
2: ...
2: Not human eyeballs.
MULTIPLE EAVESDROPPERS: We were worried there for a second.

Tuesday
On my morning bus ride, we can see 8 (soon to be 9) construction cranes as we exit the highway.
PASSENGER: Oh, look, it's the official city tree.
ME: But cranes are birds.
1: But these cranes are anchored to the ground, just like trees are anchored by roots.
PASSENGER 2: She's got you beat with that logic, Pen.

Wednesday
FRIEND: Dude, this place is a ghost town this week.
ME: It's the calm before the zombie ac--
FRIEND: Don't even finish that statement.
ME: And once upon a time, you mocked me for reading World War Z.

Thursday
COWORKER 2: Soylent Green? Who wrote this on my whiteboard?
COWORKER 3: Someone who doesn't believe your claim you don't eat human eyeballs.
2: It was 6 inches in diameter!
3: 6 inches? Really?
1: Heh. You are such a brat.

Friday
COWORKER A: What this leaving early thing, Penny? I do not recall authorizing it.
ME: Well, since there's no overtime on the table, it is with deep regret that I must leave early on this incredibly gorgeous day.
A: Yeah, whatever, Ms. Gleeful. Remind me to get you a dictionary so you can say what you mean.
ME: :D
A: You are entirely too happy. Go home already.
ME: D: It'll be a 2-hour bus ride. Still.
A: Let me tune my tiny violin.
ME: Remind me why we're friends? Oh yeah, the sarcasm. And Stephanie Plum.
A: :D